sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
