Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
