My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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