I faked an abortion last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
