You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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