A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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