can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
