That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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