I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
