Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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