just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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