3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize