there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
