You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize