We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
