he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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