I love black thongs
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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