apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize