I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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