I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
