God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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