That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
