I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
