She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
