It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
