we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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