i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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