my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
