My balls are so social today.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
