did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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