i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
