i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
