i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
