Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
