She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
