Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
