Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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