Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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