I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am mentally ready for anal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
