I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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