I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
