Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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