once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
two words...techno handjob
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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