Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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