that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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