if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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