I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
