no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
