so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
