38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
