oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
