Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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