I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm way too hungover for life right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
