I wish I only lived at night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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