Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
