Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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