it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
