I must be too annoying 4 u.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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