You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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