why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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