I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
