i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
