I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
