I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the condom got lost in my hair
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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