ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
