how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
