oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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