i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
