You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
