thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
