I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
