this boner is exhausting
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
